There's something about fairy.

Sometimes Roxas needs to be on the ceiling, the crazy bastard.

Sir Issac Lime vs. my biology professor

VS.




Draw your own conclusions.

Tom Cruise ate my baby.

It's official, folks. Tom Cruise is fucking nuts.

Sure, some people actually believed me when I went around telling everyone that Tom Cruise ate his baby's placenta. Maybe it's because he's a crazy-ass scientologist. Maybe it's because they're gullible. I say, it's because he fucking did.

However, new information has reached me of late. You see, Mr. Cruise's brand new baby...er, spawn, Suri, has not been seen. At all. Ever. Some people think it's because the baby is horribly misshapen. Others stress that he just doesn't want his baby to end up like Bragelina. I, however, have drawn my own conclusion.

Tom Cruise ate his baby.

It makes sense, people. After devouring little Suri's placenta, he developed a taste for those yummy yummy stem cells. It was only a matter of time until the urge for more human and/or alien baby flesh struck again.

I'm Tom Cruise, and I'm crazy.

Upon the discovery of this new information, I suggest that all expecting mothers within 500 miles of Tom's ultra-baby-sensing-scientology-alien-crazyass spidey senses get the hell out of dodge. Please, let this man devour no more babyflesh.

Also, I suggest that you give me money.

Alexander the Grape

It's 5 o'clock in the morn, and the gals and I are listening to Wheatus.
You remember "Teenage Dirtbag," don't you?

The Otter Pops aren't frozen yet, so I'm waiting ever-so-paciently so that I can snag Alexander the Grape from Autumn before she can devour his grapey goodness.

But no, she just went and pulled them out of the freezer, and hid them from me.
Fatass.

I can't wait until my mohawk.

fuck john mayer.

For Autumn, it's The Ditty Bops.
For Alex, it's My Chemical Romance.
For me, it has to be John Mayer.

I fucking hate John Mayer.

Could any so-called musical artist reek of more suckage than this man?
No, my friends, there is no one that sucky.
Tyler Hilton is awful.
Jack Johnson is nearly the worst.
But John Mayer, he rests on his own peak of horrible fucking music.

the holocaust was actually just john mayer singing.

his music kills jewish people.

Maybe I wouldn't detest this man so much if he put his music in a genre where it belonged.

You know, like folk music.

Or, "hey, this'll end that rodent problem for you!"

The point I'm trying to get across here is this:

Please, people. Don't listen to John Mayer.

Don't go out and buy his cd, or iTunes, or anything affiliated with him.

Doing so would only encourage more people to make bad music.

Let's make the world a better place.

You know, one without John Mayer.

Warm out today.

Riley Hobucket is fucking tits.

Not "fucking tits" as in VERB and then TITS.
More like ADJECTIVE and then TITS.

That's about all I have to say about that.

Autumn is a damn ho-bag. You know, like a bag of ho. Filled to the brim with ho. She denies it, but we all know it's true.
The fact that I'm writing about insignificant shit that nobody in the world will understand qualifies this blog as indie, which was my plan all along.
I think I just won.

So we're illegaly downloading Fight Club, and it's at 5%.
We be pirates. Yarr.
And Autumn is eating a bottle rocket.
If she bites into it, will she get a mouth full of gun powder?
We know you've tried.